I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's shark week go big or go home
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
