I cannot find my penis.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
