Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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