a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
