Where is the hickey?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
