Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
