Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
