did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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