i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
