Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
