question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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