my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
