Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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