Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
