you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
