I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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