Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think my moral compass just broke
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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