Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
