I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize