So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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