she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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