i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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