Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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