We won't sleep together?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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