We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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