Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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