Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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