There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We smell like vodka and hangover
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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