it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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