She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
