Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
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In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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