I got chris browned last night
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There r osticjed everywhere
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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