Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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