there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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