Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
