Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
