whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
