So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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