Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just found puke in my bra..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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