I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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