just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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