I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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