Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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