I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
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if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
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Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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