I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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