Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
