Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
