How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize