Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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