Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
