The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My ATM looks so different sober.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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