we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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