quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize