I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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