Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
