Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
