I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize