I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
