She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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