Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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