My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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