Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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