you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
