why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm sobbing to NWA
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
