Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
