We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
