Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
