ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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