OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
