just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
