I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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