This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
