Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
