At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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