remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
