Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
