i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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